if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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