I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
