Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
