apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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