i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
