i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
