p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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