Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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