Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
