I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
