I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
