shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
