just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
