So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
