Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i need some magic done to my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
