There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
