she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
