Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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