I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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