hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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