Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
