jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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