Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
