I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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