It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
