dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
