The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
