your thong is hanging out like whoa
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
