I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
