how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
