Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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