i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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