I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
