My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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