I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
