Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize