I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
