Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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