3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
