I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize