what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it hurts more in the daytime
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
