she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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