she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
