How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
