U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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