dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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