he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
