Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
