I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
