just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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