This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
