I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
