At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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