Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
