have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
