My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
