Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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