Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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