Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
