also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
