Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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